you know that song "don't stop believin" by journey?


doesn't apply.

the evening hangs beneath the moon

1. School started. It pretty much blows.
2. I quit my job! This is a great thing.
3. I got a new job. Better pay, better hours. All around betterness.
4. There are about 2 people who read my blog. Good for you!
5. I like pep band. Sometimes they get too long though.
6. My boy is the best.
7. Life is decent.

Word.

sometimes i think i imagine problems that aren't really there.
then i feel stupid for bringing things up.
because sometimes, other people don't see what i see.

i think i create my own personal drama.

F SCHOOL.

1. Band - Kramer
2. Pre-Calculus - DeGabriele
3. Adv U.S. History - Lee
4. Physics - Taylor
5. Concert Choir - Everist
6. World Literature - Peterson
7. Spanish 3 - Berding

similarities?
do tell.

i wrote this on a napkin.

it's not a poem.
it's not a song.
it's just a thing.
----------------

you're easy to love
easy to hug, easy to laugh with.
always a smile when mine is a frown.
you understand me when i can't say in words
reading my mind with a single glance
and respond with a look of your own.
a smile, a sigh, a look of concern
sometimes accompanyed with a little laugh
which you insist isn't really a laugh.
i know it's not. it's just you.
easy to talk to
sharing stories, problems, situations.
sharing dreams and aspirations.
just a few months feel like years.
that's what happens when two people seem to fit
like pieces of a puzzle.
we make a good picture.

100 degree heat index

begin: 1:53pm
days until school: 26
days choir camp: 3
days until band camp: 16
time until i have to work: 3 hours and 7 minutes
i feel: frusterated
i'm listening to: spongebob in the background
i'm wearing: a sweatshirt, even though it's boiling hot outside
i need to: finish my us history homework
i wish: summer wasn't ending so quickly
end: 1:56pm

i gave up on my list.
just to let you know.

my list

Everyone has nifty "to do lists". i though i should participate.

1. clean my horrifically messy room
2. practice my trumpet at least (10) times in the month of July
3. complete the "summer fun list" created by matt & i
4. go for a solo bike ride
5. do some of the us history homework
6. complete the us history homework
7. get some applications
8. turn in the applications
9. follow through with the applications
10. learn an new song on guitar
11. talk to my mom
12. play with my brother jake
13. do something silly with my sister erin
14. feel inspired to write something
15. improve my jones soda bottle collection
16. be home on time at least once
17. go on a walk
18. drive the car (4) times
19. go to night games on wednesday
20. celebrate with chad on friday
21. leave lindsay (3) comments on myspace for when she gets back
22. clean the living room
23. and the kitchen
24. and the storage space downstairs
25. sell my guitar
26. burn a good mix cd

that's all for now. i'm sure i'll add more.

edit 1
i managed to cross off 5 items today/yesterday! and minus a few of the numbers like my trumpet playing and such. yesterday was kind of a bad day. i don't feel like telling you why. luckily i have amazing friends who make me feel better. tonight was cool cause i hung out with some people i haven't seen in a while. and matt and i shared deep conversation time.

edit 2
so i only got 2 things crossed off. yeah, i'm a loser.

edit 3
4 things today! chad's bday was fun and lindsay came home. i played outside with my brother today. tomorrow i plan on tackling my room. cross your fingers...

edit 4
so i didn't accomplish ANYTHING yesterday. sigh...

edit 5
i didn't do anything for a few days, and then i did like...68479817 things at once. i got some job applications and nearly finished my room. i also sold my guitar! yay! i hope to finish my room today. we'll see.

edit 6
finished my room. drove some. practiced trumpet. turned in applications. good deal.

****

tell me, why would you be in a relationship that never pays off?

one where once every 2 or 3 months, someone gets kicked out of the house.

they'll "never move back in"

then they start talking again

"things will be better"

he moves back in

things are fine for a few days

fighting starts

and the circle starts again...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

blogging is stupid.

hey you,
reading this blog.

do you even care?

just asking.

mmm

i was just gonna write a blog bitching about how nobody likes me.

but that's not true.
because the people i care about like me.
and the people that don't like me, i could care less.

so SUCK IT.

well punch me in the face cause

I'M SO HAPPY.

school's out!!!
i made concert choir.
as an alto : )
the musical is soon approaching.
my friends kick ass.
there's this boy. he's amazing.


isn't it nice when things turn out ok?

hooray!

it's bandfest.





things are good.

my fault, again.

I know you don't drink all of the time.
But please, don't do it around me.
I don't want to hear about it.

So I'll drop it, ok?

edit

why am i always bargining?
it's kind of pointless.

i told myself i was done with this : \

end of edit

hey you

i refuse to worry about this anymore.
Done.


From this blog, you'd probably guess my life is hell. It's not. In fact, I've been pretty happy this past week.

I've got a special someone : )

drained

the other day, my friend gave me a word of advice

"We're not here to impress or do things the way other people want them to be."

thank you. i think i lose sight of that sometimes.

and to the accusers, the haters, the people that think it's cool give snide comments:

i wish you would understand, but i don't need your approval.
and with your unwillingness to compromise and by blaming other people you're only hurting yourself.
because you aren't even trying to make things better.
you'd rather give up than try to make things better.
so get off my back.
because i tried. and i'm still trying the best i can.
but it takes two to tango, friends.

i'm fed up with this.

you know what i hate

when you find yourself in a position you don't want to be in.
when a perfectly fine decision you have made causes everyone to flip out and change. when they blame you for the fact that the group has broken up. i realize i might have caused some of it, but people give me a break. it's not my fault that you are reluctant to change or that you make bad decisions. if you really wanted the group to stay together, you would try harder.

when my friends make bad decisions, and then think it's no big deal
hi friends. drinking IS a big deal. firstly, it's illegal, have you forgotten? you're what 15, 16, 18...it doesn't matter. secondly, it's dumb. can't you have a good time with out being impared? do you like that sick feeling? do you enjoy getting so drunk that you can't remember it the next day? i don't know about you, but i like to remember it when i have a fun night.


there's probably more, but these are just on my mind right now.

smile

things tend to turn out ok when you believe.

it's true.

somebody's eyes

earlier today i was going to write a blog about gossping.
how people should mind their own business.
but you know what.
i shouldn't let it get to me.
i was so angry today about things i heard.

but how is me being angry going to fix anything?
sure, i can ask them to stop.
but people will always gossip.
yeah, it sucks.
when your personal life is suddenly made public.
when you hear people whispering about you and giving you dirty looks.
that's the worst.

but guess what, gossipers.
i don't need your approval.
because i'm happy.

At fifteen

I learned about life at fifteen
Friends not always as they seem
Best friends turn enemies from senseless fights
Secrets revealed on those endless nights
Gossip turns respectable people to dirt
Jealousy rages when other girls flirt
People lie with no remorse
At fifteen, I learned a new life course.

I never was the popular kind
But high school truly changed my mind
Popular kids smoke and popular kids drink
They just don’t take the time to think
So I’m the loser and I’m the dork
But we’ll see who’s eating from the silver fork
When they work at McDonalds and I’m living free
At fifteen, I learned there’s more I can be.

I went into high school believing I could
But things when differently than I thought they would
Snapped into reality when I tried and lost
But my pride was the only cost
I didn’t make this band, the team, lost the bet
And as much as I try, I just can’t forget
I got that first F on my honors test
At fifteen, I realized that I’m not the best.

I complain too much that I have not a friend
But there are people around who help me mend
Friends who stick by me through the good and the bad
Who know not the huge impact they’ve had
I know I’m not an easy person to love
But my friends seem to go beyond and above
These people do the best they can.
At fifteen I learned how lucky I am.

hmmm

yes, it's confusing sometimes.
yes, i don't always know what you're thinking, feeling, wondering.

i suppose the best i can do is be optimistic?

one week

since this began.

i want more than i can have.
sometimes things seem like they'll work out.
i'm tricking myself into believing.

you say more time.
you say things will work out one way or the other.
but i'm scared things will disappear.
and then i'll always think what if i didn't act so dumb
did i create my own problem?

i'm in a pickle.

when you're having a bad day

sometimes, all it takes is a good long walk. : )

bittersweet

ending something that was once so meaningful.
but i've made up my mind.
now i just have to tell you.
so we can move on.
because i need to move on.

you

i've been playing tug of war with myself.
you're hard to ignore.

jinkies!

i tried out for a solo today.
big mistake.
ha.

Honors Poetry

Jessica Michele

My life is like a song
And I create my own tune
I sing my own words
My song has feelings and passion
I play my horn proudly as a general
Prepping his troops before a war
I hear symphonies in my head like I would in Carnegie Hall
My soul is a suite in the key of F.

Music makes my world go round
It fills my heart too
My music I shall not keep to myself
I will share it with you.

I am humble, but I am strong
My song can play soft or loud
I speak my mind, but not so well.
My trumpet sings louder and clearer for me.
It walks through life and tells my songs
I hide my worries
My problems stay under wraps mostly
I am the Media
Showing only the bright side of things.

Music makes my world go round
It fills my heart too
My music I shall not keep to myself
I will share it with you.

My gift is my song
My tune, My rhythm, My lyrics
I dream to give it to all
To share my tune, my rhythm, my lyrics
As a teacher shares knowledge
You can pass it on
We are an unbreakable chain
Like a virus, we can infect the world with song.

Jessica Michele.

Yay Corrupt America

so this is late. i don't care. if you're offended speak your mind. but don't expect me to write an apology.


The Story Of Easter

So basically you know most of it. Jesus died for us and got put into that grave. What you don't know is that it wasn't an angel who rolled away the stone, it was actually the easter bunny. When Jesus walked out he found the bunny had laid eggs everywhere. So he gathered his buddies and they had the very first easter egg hunt. The winner gets saved!


(this is what america teaches us)

put on a happy face.

sometimes i feel like i'm faking my way through life.

i don't do things for me. i do them for other people. to make them happy. it's very...unsatisfying. i don't want to live my life like this. but i can't seem to find a way out of it. i actually tried to once. my efforts were squashed. denied. like i didn't even have a choice in the matter. IT'S MY DECISION. so how did i get bullied into overlooking it? because i can't say no. i can't make people unhappy. so i'm stuck in a swirling vortex of doom. "keep your eyes down and do what your told"

i'm talking, shouting, screaming, but not a soul is listening.

i'm stuck.

primavera

HOORAY FOR SPRING.

so spring represents new beginnings. that's happy. unfortunatly some relationships with people are going rather poorly. so i'm hoping this sign of spring will bring peace to those broken relationships.

that's all i have to say.
i don't want to sit on the computer.
i'm going outside.

you sir, are wrong.

"varsity choirs just don't get division I's"


VARSITY MADRIGAL-division I
VARSITY CHAMBER-division I

take that. face head.



(plus i also got a I for my trumpet solo)



all in all, a fantastic day.

i'll aye call

solo contest tomorrow.

yikes.

decisions drive me crazy

in the event where the two are leading seperate ways, which do you follow. . .

your head or your heart?


comments are welcome.

inquisitive.

there's something about you. i want to know more.

happy post

it's spring break!

nuff said.

i've got this music down in my soul

i have a secret to tell you.

blueberry jones soda is gross.

and borialis has fun books.

it's that twisted feeling in your stomach

i don't know what to do.
for the first time ever i'm actually thinking about ending it.
but i'm scared to be alone.

edit
edit
edit


"Real friendship is shown in times of trouble" - Euripedes

i had forgotten about optimism. thank you for reminding me.

i'm sorry

but i can't.

fauna conzona

benchmarks are over. freakin sweet ass mullet.

the count down left till spring break is 6 school days.

jessica loves madrigal and chamber choir because they are actually good.

and solo contest is coming.

life is sweet.

I

I LOVE: my friends
I HATE: fakers
I FEAR: losing people
I HIDE: when i'm overwhelmed
I DRIVE: to succeed
I NEED: a vacation
I KNOW: my limits
I THINK: i'm lucky
I AM: in need of a shower
I WANT: to do well
I HAVE: green eyes
I WISH: i could drive
I WONDER: what you're thinking
I SING: everyday
I CRY: too much
I AM NOT ALWAYS: appreciative
I LIKE: hippos
I GIVE: support
I APPRECIATE: my mom
I FEEL: mostly happy
I DO: believe in miracles
I EAT: food
I DRINK: too much soda
I SMOKE: you in a race
I SUCK: at sports
I TAKE: care of my siblings
I WRITE: in honors
I READ: anything i can
I CALL: people
I TRY: to be a good friend
I WORK: at the pool (maybe)
I QUIT: hardly ever
I KISS: the sky
I HUG: whoever i feel like
I MISS: summer
I PROMISE: i will always listen to you
I NEVER: cheat on tests
I WILL: give you a cookie if i say i will
I REMEMBER: innocence
I WILL ALWAYS WONDER: what if
I AGREE: with sarah that a lot of guys suck
I BELIEVE: in true love

always look on the bright side of life

i was going to write a post last night complaining how much my life sucks right now. about how i'm sick of people and such.

and then i went to school today. and my friends went out of their way to change a time so i could go somewhere with them.

and i now realize i have no room to complain.

choices

i read my good friend's blog recently. it's about the bad influence on teens today. drinking, doing drugs, having sex. that sort of thing. it's got me thinking about choices.

.

we make choices everyday. these choices are mostly simple ones you make without even thinking about them. but the choices that trip us up are the tough ones, ones you don't have to make everyday. "do i go out drinking with my friends, or stay home?" we all know the smart choice to make. we all know. so why do people fall into the stupid choice? the pressure to fit in is phenominal. To look cool. To be popular. To have lots of friends. To not have the wrong image. Doing things you know are wrong. To fit in.

.

In grade school, you did your homework, you listened to your parents, you did what you were told. And you were liked for that. So when did it stop being cool to be a good kid? why should i feel like a loser if i get along with my parents? i shouldn't have to change or hide who i am because it's not cool.

.

"Be yourself" people say. So why do I feel like I can't?

the big v day

yes, it is V day.

this morning, i was feeling bad for single people. talk about a bad day. but then people kept complaining and feeling bad for themselves. and something occured to me. V day is showing people you care about them. you don't have to have a significant other. make v day special for you. tell your friends how much you care about them. tell your parents you love them. be nice to your siblings. v day isn't about chocolates and boyfriends/girlfriends. IT'S ABOUT LOVE. love for anyone.

so find someone you love. and tell them.

Follies blues

follies is over. Ho hum.

I was getting pretty sick of them. But now...I miss it. A lot. I absolutely love being on stage, under the lights, the pressure to do well, the euphoria after an awesome performance. If I could only do that for the rest of my life. That would be my dream, to be on Broadway. To dance and sing. All day, every day. Oh my gosh.

but I can't do that. And I give myself so many reasons. I'm from Iowa, I'm not talented enough, I'm not ready for it. But could I? it will always be something I wonder about. Something I'll regret. I don't believe in myself enough to go for it.

dream the impossible

i'm all better now.

something's gotta give

everytime i think i know what i want and everything seems just right.things change. i change. i don't know what i want. and i don't know what to do about it. i'm really confused. uncertain.

do i give up what i know, what i've grown accoustomed to? or do i ignore new things that could turn into who knows what? i can't have both, so what should i have to give up?

i need answers from my friends. from you. from myself.

#1

i've decided to get this blog. 2 reasons.

1. myspace is too public these days.

2. i need this.

so. here it is. blog #1.

i've been reading some posts from some friends. and they all have the same theme. friends. more specifically, losing them. i've lost a lot of friends this year. i know this. i'm not denying it. i can count all my really good friends with my fingers. but i don't know what i'd do without them. so when i feel like one of them is drifting away, i panic.

like right now.

i'm scared.