hooray!

it's bandfest.





things are good.

my fault, again.

I know you don't drink all of the time.
But please, don't do it around me.
I don't want to hear about it.

So I'll drop it, ok?

edit

why am i always bargining?
it's kind of pointless.

i told myself i was done with this : \

end of edit

hey you

i refuse to worry about this anymore.
Done.


From this blog, you'd probably guess my life is hell. It's not. In fact, I've been pretty happy this past week.

I've got a special someone : )

drained

the other day, my friend gave me a word of advice

"We're not here to impress or do things the way other people want them to be."

thank you. i think i lose sight of that sometimes.

and to the accusers, the haters, the people that think it's cool give snide comments:

i wish you would understand, but i don't need your approval.
and with your unwillingness to compromise and by blaming other people you're only hurting yourself.
because you aren't even trying to make things better.
you'd rather give up than try to make things better.
so get off my back.
because i tried. and i'm still trying the best i can.
but it takes two to tango, friends.

i'm fed up with this.

you know what i hate

when you find yourself in a position you don't want to be in.
when a perfectly fine decision you have made causes everyone to flip out and change. when they blame you for the fact that the group has broken up. i realize i might have caused some of it, but people give me a break. it's not my fault that you are reluctant to change or that you make bad decisions. if you really wanted the group to stay together, you would try harder.

when my friends make bad decisions, and then think it's no big deal
hi friends. drinking IS a big deal. firstly, it's illegal, have you forgotten? you're what 15, 16, 18...it doesn't matter. secondly, it's dumb. can't you have a good time with out being impared? do you like that sick feeling? do you enjoy getting so drunk that you can't remember it the next day? i don't know about you, but i like to remember it when i have a fun night.


there's probably more, but these are just on my mind right now.

smile

things tend to turn out ok when you believe.

it's true.

somebody's eyes

earlier today i was going to write a blog about gossping.
how people should mind their own business.
but you know what.
i shouldn't let it get to me.
i was so angry today about things i heard.

but how is me being angry going to fix anything?
sure, i can ask them to stop.
but people will always gossip.
yeah, it sucks.
when your personal life is suddenly made public.
when you hear people whispering about you and giving you dirty looks.
that's the worst.

but guess what, gossipers.
i don't need your approval.
because i'm happy.

At fifteen

I learned about life at fifteen
Friends not always as they seem
Best friends turn enemies from senseless fights
Secrets revealed on those endless nights
Gossip turns respectable people to dirt
Jealousy rages when other girls flirt
People lie with no remorse
At fifteen, I learned a new life course.

I never was the popular kind
But high school truly changed my mind
Popular kids smoke and popular kids drink
They just don’t take the time to think
So I’m the loser and I’m the dork
But we’ll see who’s eating from the silver fork
When they work at McDonalds and I’m living free
At fifteen, I learned there’s more I can be.

I went into high school believing I could
But things when differently than I thought they would
Snapped into reality when I tried and lost
But my pride was the only cost
I didn’t make this band, the team, lost the bet
And as much as I try, I just can’t forget
I got that first F on my honors test
At fifteen, I realized that I’m not the best.

I complain too much that I have not a friend
But there are people around who help me mend
Friends who stick by me through the good and the bad
Who know not the huge impact they’ve had
I know I’m not an easy person to love
But my friends seem to go beyond and above
These people do the best they can.
At fifteen I learned how lucky I am.

hmmm

yes, it's confusing sometimes.
yes, i don't always know what you're thinking, feeling, wondering.

i suppose the best i can do is be optimistic?

one week

since this began.

i want more than i can have.
sometimes things seem like they'll work out.
i'm tricking myself into believing.

you say more time.
you say things will work out one way or the other.
but i'm scared things will disappear.
and then i'll always think what if i didn't act so dumb
did i create my own problem?

i'm in a pickle.

when you're having a bad day

sometimes, all it takes is a good long walk. : )

bittersweet

ending something that was once so meaningful.
but i've made up my mind.
now i just have to tell you.
so we can move on.
because i need to move on.