Concerned.

Why do the people I care about seem to always end up shutting me out of their lives? I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I always am reaching out and nothing is there. It's happened before, and it seems to be happening again. What am I doing wrong here?

Wow. Not ok. I cannot, I CAN NOT keep doing this. I will not keep taking care of people like this. It is not my responsibility, I have enough to worry about. No. Enough.

Random update

Umm... hi.

Life is confusing right now. Not sure what I want.

Been really sick lately, thought I was getting over it, but it's just morphed really. It started out being really tired, developed into a fever, then sinus issues (congestion, severe pain), moved to the throat, then day long migraines. I can only hope it's not the H1N1 (someone semi close to me has a confirmed case...) Probably just gross illness...yes...please?

Also been thinking about M a bit recently. He randomly pops in and out of my life, and in a more significant way a week or so ago. He was in IC and suggested hanging out. Unfortunately, we couldn't work anything out and we went the whole day without seeing each other. I was pleasantly surprised he came out and suggested we hang, since all the previous times I've suggested it he's been reluctant or just won't at all. And then *poof* he's gone again. Back into the woodwork. I just don't get him. I really would like to get back in touch and see how he's doing, be civilized, even become *GASP* friends. I just don't understand that boy. I used to, it's been too long I suppose.

I was gonna write about B but now I've changed my mind. Sorry. It's at an awkward point right now. We split but are hanging out and blah blah blah I just don't feel like explaining to you right now so THERE.

I'm just at a place right now I guess. I really just want to be content and happy, and I'm experimenting with how to make that happen. I haven't figured it out, and I'm trying different things, I just hope nobody gets hurt in the process. But damn it, I've done so much for other people, and sacrificed my happiness for other people I deserve some too, right? YES.

What an odd post. Eh.

Huh.

Sometimes I start thinking too much and wonder what I'm doing with my life. Other than going through motions day to day, going to class, going to rehearsal, la la la. What's next?