choices

i read my good friend's blog recently. it's about the bad influence on teens today. drinking, doing drugs, having sex. that sort of thing. it's got me thinking about choices.

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we make choices everyday. these choices are mostly simple ones you make without even thinking about them. but the choices that trip us up are the tough ones, ones you don't have to make everyday. "do i go out drinking with my friends, or stay home?" we all know the smart choice to make. we all know. so why do people fall into the stupid choice? the pressure to fit in is phenominal. To look cool. To be popular. To have lots of friends. To not have the wrong image. Doing things you know are wrong. To fit in.

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In grade school, you did your homework, you listened to your parents, you did what you were told. And you were liked for that. So when did it stop being cool to be a good kid? why should i feel like a loser if i get along with my parents? i shouldn't have to change or hide who i am because it's not cool.

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"Be yourself" people say. So why do I feel like I can't?

the big v day

yes, it is V day.

this morning, i was feeling bad for single people. talk about a bad day. but then people kept complaining and feeling bad for themselves. and something occured to me. V day is showing people you care about them. you don't have to have a significant other. make v day special for you. tell your friends how much you care about them. tell your parents you love them. be nice to your siblings. v day isn't about chocolates and boyfriends/girlfriends. IT'S ABOUT LOVE. love for anyone.

so find someone you love. and tell them.

Follies blues

follies is over. Ho hum.

I was getting pretty sick of them. But now...I miss it. A lot. I absolutely love being on stage, under the lights, the pressure to do well, the euphoria after an awesome performance. If I could only do that for the rest of my life. That would be my dream, to be on Broadway. To dance and sing. All day, every day. Oh my gosh.

but I can't do that. And I give myself so many reasons. I'm from Iowa, I'm not talented enough, I'm not ready for it. But could I? it will always be something I wonder about. Something I'll regret. I don't believe in myself enough to go for it.

dream the impossible

i'm all better now.

something's gotta give

everytime i think i know what i want and everything seems just right.things change. i change. i don't know what i want. and i don't know what to do about it. i'm really confused. uncertain.

do i give up what i know, what i've grown accoustomed to? or do i ignore new things that could turn into who knows what? i can't have both, so what should i have to give up?

i need answers from my friends. from you. from myself.

#1

i've decided to get this blog. 2 reasons.

1. myspace is too public these days.

2. i need this.

so. here it is. blog #1.

i've been reading some posts from some friends. and they all have the same theme. friends. more specifically, losing them. i've lost a lot of friends this year. i know this. i'm not denying it. i can count all my really good friends with my fingers. but i don't know what i'd do without them. so when i feel like one of them is drifting away, i panic.

like right now.

i'm scared.