No, I'm talking about L O V E. Love is awesome, I love lots of things and lots of people, but when it comes to using the L word with significant other, I am very very picky. Let's check out scenario #1.
The first time the L word came up with a bf was actually with M. We were having some argument or some disagreement or something. I think I was maybe hurt by a situation...NO WAIT. I always remember. We were all hanging out and such, when M got a phone call from one of our mutual friends. We were in the car and he was talking to her and blah blah, but it came time for him to get dropped off. Instead of saying goodbye, maybe saying "I'll call you back" he just sort of left the car as I waved a sad goodbye. Off topic much? Yes. Where were we.
So M is apologizing later, he's so sorry, he didn't mean to, don't be mad because HE LOVES ME. And we forgive and get over it, because it's not a huge deal in the first place but woah woah woah let's go back to that, M.
And I believe if I remember correctly, our conversation was something like this.
J - "You said you loved me. I don't think you really mean that." ( I forgot to mention we'd been dating, what.. 1-2 months maybe? I don't remember)
M - "Well, I don't know. I guess I probably don't, I just wanted you to know how I felt and how sorry I was" (Sorry, M, this does you no justice. You were very awesome about it.)
J - "I really like you too, but love is a really strong and meaningful word. I want to make sure that means something more than just 'I like you a lot', ya know? (So this is probably inaccurate. Shut up, I do what I can.)
Anyway, the moral of this conversation. "I L Y", in my opinion, is way way way overused. So much that it has lost a bit of it's meaning. I take L seriously, yo. And it's so very easy to fall into the I Love You trap. Someone says it to you, and you feel pressured to return that. Not because you maybe feel that way, but because you don't want them to feel unloved.
So M and I didn't say ILY. We just said "love". Just the plain word. It was our way of reminding ourselves that we care, but still recognizing how important that ILY is. And when I did say ILY for the first time to him, it was natural and easy and felt perfect. That's how ILY works. You don't say it because you feel like you should or need to or have no other adjective to describe it. ILY is reserved for more than that. I can't describe what that is, because let's be real - love is different for everyone. And sometimes you think you're in love and it turns out false. Anyone who has been a reader for my blog for any amount of time can probably guess where that's coming from. I guess false is the wrong word for it. It turns out ... spoiled. It gets lost. That's what happened with M. It got lost, stretched too far, damaged. And once that happens, the chances of repair don't look good.
So where is this coming from, you ask? Well my flavor of the week B (just kidding! - he's super awesome and I'll probably write a more in depth post soon) used the big ILY and I did not handle it with such grace as the first time. In my defense, I was mostly sleeping and wasn't on my damage control game. Yikes. "We don't say that" is probably not the best response. But in his defense, I know it was coming from a good place. I think this is a case of "I don't have a good adjective to describe this awesomeness that is JOTHP" Duh.
But in all seriousness, this post is mostly for B (Hi B!!!) because I am not always the best at letting words come out eloquently. I'm much better at writing them. And also just to share some opinions? Yeah? No?
Blog, you tire me out. It is 12:15, I should be sleeping. I still love you though.
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